This poignant tale of my brother’s journey is one of heartbreak and resilience.
After rescuing him from the streets, I provided him with stability—a good job, a place to call his own—hoping to guide him back to a semblance of normalcy. For two precious years, he embraced this second chance at life, only for cancer to mercilessly snatch him away forever.
After his service in the South African Army, my brother struggled to find his footing in civilian life. Despite his hardships, he maintained a sense of dignity and cleanliness even while living on the streets, a testament to his resilience and inner strength. Jan found solace in the simple joys of caring for stray animals, a reflection of his compassionate nature amidst adversity.
In tribute to my brother’s memory, I penned a poem, endeavoring to capture the tumult of emotions he must have experienced in his final days on earth, before cancer cruelly claimed him.
Drawing inspiration from Jan’s own artistic prowess. I always admired his ability to paint anything.
I sought to convey the depth of his inner turmoil through his expression. While my initial instinct was to render the portrait in oils, my husband’s suggestion to utilize charcoal and green proved poignant, capturing the essence of his fading vitality.
Amidst his frailty, Jan’s green eyes remained a beacon of beauty, until even they succumbed to the ravages of disease. Now, as I gaze into his eyes immortalized in my artwork, I grapple with the timeless question: is there truly life beyond death? Each day, I search for solace in the possibility of an eternal existence, longing for a glimpse of my brother’s spirit amidst the uncertainty.
I wrote the poem in Afrikaans and it is visible on the art piece.
The poem in Afrikaans:-
Eendag op n slag
Aan my broer, Jan Muller : – 21 11 1960 – 18 02 2019
Uit die skone diepte word ek terug geruk na die veeleisende werklikheid.
Gelaai met emosies en onverklaarbare gedagtes.
My wonde, diep en dra swaar aan die geraamtes van gister.
My kniee is rou gestaan van vra vir hulp van bo.
Die onseekerheid maal in my kop.
Eendag op n slag kom maklik vir ander. . .
Ek worstel in stilte, in my eenvoud.
Wat kom na die lewe op aarde?
Waar staan ek nou op my lewens kalender?
Het ek genoeg gedoen vir ander, – en vir my?
Sal tyd in my guns draai of kom die onsekere donkerte nader?
Met bloeiende hart, toe oe en hande na bo . . . Wees my genadig . . .!!
Eensame trane wag ek wat my more sal bring.
Nog n skone dag van genade op die aarde . . . .
The Poem in English: –
One Day at a Time
To my brother, Jan Muller : – 21 11 1960 – 18 02 2019
From the pure depths, I am pulled back
to the demanding reality,
loaded with emotions
and inexplicable thoughts.
My wounds are deep,
bearing the heavy weight
of yesterday’s skeletons.
My knees are raw
from pleading for help from above.
“One day at a time” comes easy for others . . .
Yet I struggle in silence, in my simplicity.
Uncertainty swirls in my mind.
What comes after life on earth?
Where do I stand now on my life’s calendar?
Have I done enough for others—and for myself?
Will time turn in my favor,
or does the uncertain darkness draw near?
With a bleeding heart,
closed eyes,
and hands raised to the heavens. . .
Be merciful to me!!
Lonely tears. . . .
I wait to see what tomorrow will bring—
Another pure day of grace upon the earth.
